It’s called the birds and the bees for a reason. You might think your love life is a little bit weird, a bit kinky, but you’ve got nothing on some of our furred and feathered friends. Here’s five members of the Animal Kingdom who don’t just settle for chocolate and flowers.
Dromedary Camels
Male dromedary camels (the one-hump camel version, no pun intended) express dominance and attract females by drooling a lot and spitting up an organ called the dulla. This organ is filled with air via the trachea and while it’s hanging out there like the world’s grossest pink balloon, the male camel grunts, groans, and gurgles. Female camels apparently find this very sexy, which just proves there’s no accounting for taste.
Antechinus
This Australian marsupial comes in 15 flavours but they all have one thing in common: the males have a single mating period of 2-3 weeks, during which they mate so hard they die. No, really. This is called semelparity, which basically means a single period of reproduction before death. In the case of the antechinus male, he stops producing sperm shortly before the mating period, then spends the rest of his very short life chasing females, who understandably begin to avoid him once his fur starts falling off.
Banana Slugs
Banana slugs are the second largest slugs in the world—and their male genitalia matches. Literally; a banana slug’s penis can be the same length as its entire body. They’re also hermaphroditic, which means when two slugs start listening to some Barry White and get in the mood, they can impregnate each other. Occasionally, however, this mating goes wrong and they get, uh, stuck. In each other. So they chew off their partner’s penis. Fortunately this doesn’t seem to do much harm, as the slugs just live out the rest of their lives as females.
Porcupines
Female porcupines are in the mood for a very short amount of time—as in, only 8-12 hours per year. When a female and a male porcupine meet up for potential lovemaking, they first rub noses together, which is very cute. And then if the female is still receptive, the male blasts her with urine. If she likes this, then she’ll mate with the male until he can’t go another round. Personally I’d rather just get the chocolates.
Clownfish
Clownfish live in sea anemones in small groups consisting of the breeding pair, and a handful of non-breeding males. At least, until the female dies. Clownfish are all born male, but possess the reproductive organs of both males and females. The female of the breeding pair is large and in charge, but if she dies, then her male mate—as the second-largest clownfish in the group—becomes female and the most aggressive of the non-breeding males becomes the new mate. Think about that next time you’re watching Finding Nemo.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Bonus Round
5 Things I Have an Irrational Dislike For
Sausage. My brain just thinks of intestines and I hate the snap of sausage skin under my teeth.
Things between my toes. You know those sandals where the strap goes between your big toe and the toe next to it? Nope. Absolutely not.
Clocks. At least if they tick. It drives me absolutely insane listening to tick…tick…tick…
Cotton balls. They just… feel weird when you squish them between your fingers.
Garden gnomes. No, I don’t know why.